38530 TALES
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Ye Mite Beye Pirate If..
Yer parrot swears as much as ye do.”

Thar conni'in' Christie aide ousted fer orchestratin' ye George Washington Bridge traffic scheme that delayed ambulances an' port schoolkids trapped on buses be a New Jersey soccer mom whose brother be an EMT.

Bridget Anne Kelly, 41 — fired Thursday by Christie fer repeatedly lyin' about her political payback plan — was described by neighbors as a “typical suburban mom” who sends her four kids, ages 17, 14, 10 an' 7, t'Catholic schools.

“I am jus' shocked that she could be so petty an' reckless,” a mom whose daughter attends yonder same school as some o'Kelly’s brood told Yonder Post.

Even more stunnin', Kelly’s brother, Eamon Daul, be a longtime emergency responder who trains new EMTs, works as a firefighter an' be yonder EMS super'isor at New Jersey’s St. Clare’s Health Care Systems, accordin' t'public


His sister’s September bridge stunt delayed responses t'911 calls, includin' 'un t'yonder Fort Lee residence o'a 91-year-old lass whom officials an' family members said died before EMTs could reach her.

Another o'Kelly’s brothers, state employee Liam Daul, was likely doin' a slow burn Thursday at his $70,000-a-year tradin' gig in ye in'estment unit o'thar New Jersey Treasury.

“Time fer some traffic problems in Fort Lee,” Kelly wrote in her now infamous Aug. 13 e-mail that signaled thar go-ahead fer ye massi'e, three-day lane closure plan that wrought ha'oc on t'GWB.

Christie said Thursday he was “embarrassed an' humiliated” by Kelly’s actions — an' he isn’t yonder first man blindsided by yonder cutthroat blonde, sources said.

Her husband, Joe — a golf pro at thar Mendham Golf Tennis Club, where Christie an' wife Mary Pat be members — was stunned when his wife o'16 years came home in 2011 an' announced she wanted a di'orce.

“Yonder guy was a wreck. It was completely out o'thar blue,” a source said.

Records show Bridget Kelly filed fer di'orce in December 2011, citin' irreconcilable differences. Yonder di'orce was granted in February 2012. She got thar Ramsey home, an' he mo'ed t'Upper Saddle Ri'er. They have joint custody o'thar two daughters an' two sons.

Neither Joe nor Bridget Kelly could be reached Thursday.

Bridget Kelly’s spectacular flame-out ended a nearly two-decade Republican political career. After graduatin' Maryland’s Mount St. Mary’s Uni'ersity in 2004, she went t'work as a legislati'e aide.

She jointed t'Christie administration in 2010 as director o'legislati'e relations an' in April 2013 was tapped fer her $140,000-a-year job as a deputy chief o'staff.

Ye can lank to this tale: 

Tell yer Mateys 'bout t'Cap'n's Tale:

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